What's so fun about Giving Lessons at Spring Hill School?

Teach Children to Teach My Inner Child Instead

That might be my biggest confession of being a more knowledgeable grownup to teach children. What to do when the children disobey? Or when they left leftovers? Or not sharing toys? No respect for you and other adults? Misbehaving with others? Need to study harder? And the most straightforward answer from the child in you is: "Bring them out and beat them up, like how you were whipped when you were a child." That’s an awakening moment that we all just hurt people and go hurting others because we think only broken can change people to become better ones.

Those are my thoughts every night. Even though I have been trained by the principal and held my hand in class for the past month, I still can't deny that a massive part of my past influenced how I teach, which is how I was introduced in the old days. So precisely do people grow up or still carry the pain with them all the time? The one taking pride in himself for growing up is such a liar! Those who can say that I have complete control of my life, I now understand, is that they just haven't faced their childish demands enough to be so egotistical.

Spring Hill School is a new educational model, and shortcomings in the operation process were inevitable. When I first arrived, I was drained out with a continuous teaching schedule for the first month. Usually, I got strung out at the end of the day. But at that time, I took it all in and kept moving forward with the hectic schedule. By doing running exercises after work, I gradually built my stamina, and my body developed strength under pressure. The children are the most crucial part for me to continue going to class tomorrow, I felt that I was the right person to teach them, and they responded to me the same way.

I never thought I'd be so happy to help them learn, but I seem to understand a problem: I'm not here to help them. I'm just helping my past, who was a struggling kid at school and full of fear of being picked up at school. Becoming a teacher was not for the sake of my children but myself. I wanted to be a better version of the teacher who went through my academic life and left many marks of unhappiness in my learning. Oh, now I'm just for myself. Ultimately, I'm selfish and can only handle my issues.

Another little thing is that I do this job because that's what I got from my grandmother and mother, both of whom are teachers. My grandmother taught me to read and spell from a young age since my parents were away for work. Hence, I turned it into a love for words, and learning was also a means of connecting to that cherished memory. Later, the more I went to school, the more dissatisfied I was with the education system, and my love for learning was gone. Now I'm back to doing better than them with my teaching and learning. It was sweet revenge for a 7-year-old kid who refused to open his mouth to teachers and friends for 12 years because he thought he was a minor.

Coming to Spring Hill School, I had to destroy and rebuild many pillars of my prerequisite practices of mainstream school to replace them with more progressive and liberal ideas. Partly, I was relieved that the pressure on my students was reduced due to the strong bond between teachers and students. Still, things went differently than planned: I was one of the few who understood the philosophy of smashing the old educational pillars. All the freedoms and freedoms that were empowered while I’d gained so far, such as the Spread Academic Club, the LIN for Community Foundation, the Saturday Coffee talks, the movie screenings at Hoa Sen University, AIESEC Vietnam, journeying to the West through three countries, all of them seem to be flowing in me when I teach my children. And then I knew I was different.

Gradually, people who received a forbidden upbringing tend to grow up to be adults who also had to forbid others to follow what they wanted, just like how they used to be forced by others before. Well, history calculates it as something that is (or is) repeated if we don't find a way to deal with the pain from the past. I tried moving toward the future, but my heart clung to the past. All I could see were the sufferings deeply imprinted on me. Like an animal stuck in a spear without knowing it's in pain, it continues hunting but doesn't do as well as other animals until its blood seeps out and must lie still. Every time it turned around, it saw a massive spear behind him. That's it. Leave it all. I'll return to save myself from that spear.

Good teachers always know how to reflect on their thoughts about where they are having difficulties, so they teach themselves to overcome those before instructing others. How to deal with a ruthless kid? To acknowledge his behavior is reasonable so he can see my empathy for his relentless action. The teacher can manifest both the bad and good sides of himself! How to teach a poor child? I must have been as bad as I was in the past with tons of English grammar. How to teach someone who needs to improve at a foreign language? Then I had to learn a foreign language myself to go back to being a learner to feel the pain of other learners. I chose to learn Chinese and didn't count how many days I cried because I couldn't remember the strokes. How to turn students’ interest in a particular subject? Then I must know what their preference was. Middle school boys and girls are starting to care about sex education, and the principal was far away and wasn’t here for me to consult. Thus, I started creating my curriculum, teaching what intercourse and safe practices were. However, I got to hide it from the manager since they didn’t accept that type of filthy idea in the educational environment. At that time, I didn't know how to explain the doubts about sex education and its crucial role to adolescents because they didn't want to hear it.

I left my children without a chance to say goodbye but a few messages on Instagram and promised to see them soon, hiding the truth that I found myself was not respected in this environment. I was very miserable that my efforts weren’t repaid. I resented that what I read in the newspaper was not the same as in reality. I hated myself for lowering myself to get the job done, but I couldn't ever satisfy them. In the first place, it was my fault. Indeed!

However, every cloud has a silver lining; I learned many new teaching methodologies here. Now, here I am, doing these things, connecting with new people, expressing myself more freely, and gradually being respected for who I am. I am happy when my inner self gradually becomes more in harmony with the outer shell so that people who accept me acknowledge my existence. I can't run away from my screaming self that wants to break through this prison known for imparting knowledge. I must find my way, as one can handle my problems better than I do. This is a lesson worth picking up. Because if I don't learn it, I will humbly let unsuitable people come into my life and hurt me. I paid the price to learn a lesson that no other school can teach me but the school of life: Respect yourself for what it is. Therefore, what is the duty of a teacher in society?

Vietnam, early morning August 15th, 2021